I’ve changed a lot in the past 18months and although I’ve been in a plateau for the past 6months I’m determined to stay positive. Not losing weight hasn’t been the only problem. Accepting the new me is just as hard. Trying to get it into my head that I’m not a size 20 anymore has taken a while and the fact I continually change my body shape for a year didn’t help. The past 6 months has giving me an opportunity to accept some of the changes and get ready for what’s to come.




Acceptance

I’m a size 12-14 but in my head I’m a 16. This is better then the size 20 I actually was but not quite the size I am yet.
I’ve had a hard year and I’m basically the same weight I was back in March but I think this has been good for me. I have a bit to go but I’m ok with where I am and this plateau has giving me time to get used to the new me before I change again.
Clothes wise I now have it in my head I’m a size 12-14 and pick these sizes off the rail but they look tiny and I’m always surprised when they fit.
But its more then not having to shop in the plus size section of the clothes shops anymore, I’ve changed inside as well.
I’m a lot more confident now, I walk into a room and I don’t worry as much about what people will think if they look at me.
Running has helped a lot with my confidence. The first time I remember noticing this was on Boxing Day when I went for a jog. Now I’d only just started running outside and I was only running about 1 mile (which was going to kill me) but rather then wondering if people were going to laugh at the fat girl trying to run I was thinking “These people think I’m nuts for going for a run on boxing day” and smiling. I never once during that run thought that people would question why I was running because of my size. They might question my sanity for going for a run that day when most people were still in bed or eating turkey, but not if I was skinny enough or fit enough to be out there.
I held my head high and smiled the whole way around.
Well that was the start of running for me. I now run 5k at least once a week and I’ve just started running a 10k route (its killing me but I’m getting there)
When I’m out running nothing else matters, it really is just me and the road.
I smile at people as I pass them, especially other runners. A non runner thinks I’m nuts for running in the rain and other running know I am because they are out there with me. They don’t question your speed or the distance you are running because that doest matter. You don’t have to go far or fast to be a runner, you just have to go.
No one cares that I was over 17st and no one questions if I’m good enough to be out there. Most importantly I don’t question if I’m good enough to be there anymore.
When I pass another runner I wonder where they started from and where they are going. I wonder if they wonder the same thing about me.